How to Clear Your Resentments and Redeem Your Relationships

  • You partner behaves in a way that makes you resentful.
  • You express that resentment by behaving vengefully toward your partner.
  • Your vengeful behavior makes your partner resentful of you.
  • A feedback loop is established, and the relationship spirals downward.

Step 1: List out your Resentments

What do I dislike about the way (person’s name) behaves?

  • “She’s selfish.”
  • “He’s a flake”
  • “He doesn’t care about me.”
  • “He always talks about himself.
  • “He never texts back.”
  • “He never asks me about my day.”

Step 2: List out your Desires

How did I want (person) to behave in this situation?

Step 3: List Our Your Fears

(a) What do I fear will happen if I continue to tolerate this behavior?

(b) What do I fear will happen if I tell (person) everything I’ve written so far?

List out your Shames

Which of my behaviors and desires in this relationship give me a feeling of shame?

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